Worthless......

We give all we can. That is humanity, THAT is human nature: to progress with our best efforts and intentions. Making constant reflections on a past which has passed, living in a now which is both the before and after, and dreaming of a brighter dawn after a night of turmoil, THIS is humanity. Hope.

But what happens when all you can give, isn't enough? What happens when all that's left to give is your essence: The inner being that can only be labelled by YOU, the only thing in this stack of cards that we can say we placed to make a difference? The one thing we say we are personally in control of? What happens when your best, once given, needs to be better?

Do we grow? Do we pick up the pieces and remodel ourselves in the image of our "masters": society's constant need of "perfection", our schoolmates, our parents, NEVER our God? No....we become.....unwanted.....

The feeling of worthlessness has comparisson to no other. Imagine a thin blade being slowly pushed into your consciousness; it's serrated edges tearing you from all you saw as "reality" and destroying all bonds to whatever and whomever you thought near. Side to side it sways, mercilessly carving you into a hollow shell of who you once were. It whispers sweet nothings to you, "soothing" you with pictures of an ending of security, peace and even dare I say it......love.....

We question ourselves: our abilities, our inner beauty, our personal truths, the reason for out very existence. Who are we?
What are we?
Why are we here?
I am only a bother, a nuisance, a broken masterpiece, a perfect failure.......unwanted.....
This is the reality. THIS.....unfortunately.....is the majority of our humanity......

What we earned is no longer ours. What we fought for is now meaningless. What we lau-.....laughter is only but a memory of joyous times past, like the sad farewell of a hero in his triumphant return. We surround ourselves with walls of indifference. We sit in the puddle of negativity in which we fell, sinking further into despair. Without desire for life, joy seems as a fairytale and hope.......does such a word exist? In this world.....the warmth of possibility seems to grow colder, as we grow older.....

Why? Isn't this all a grand contradiction to my earlier statements? Is my mind an inextricable maze of confusion or an entangled mass of folly? You ask me these questions without even realizing the you have the answers within.

Without fear, there can be no love.
Without noise, there is no such thing as music.
Without sadness, happiness is only a fable.
Without death, we do not truly value life.
Witout hunger, we wouldn't understand what it means to be full
Without sin, forgiveness could never be given
Without despair......there can be no hope.

As most things in life, negativity requires it's positive opposite to survive and positivity requires a negative stance for it to be appreciated.

With this being said, being unwanted, yes, it is a part of humanity. It comes together with all other components to make the whole. However, Hope is stronger as it requires peering into a future which seems impossible and believing in it. Joy is greater for a smile in a sad time is a laugh in good one. Finally, Love conquers all as it is the ultimate gift of sacrifice from one to another; giving it the power to create bridges over many trouble waters, span chasms and break walls. So yes, we are human and will fall or even fail......but we will stand.

THAT.IS.HUMANITY.